Elf on the Damn Shelf.
Why do we do this to ourselves year after year?
Because our kids fricking LOVE it. It’s magic. The anticipation each morning is the cutest thing ever.
If you’ve been dreaded the arrival of your creepy little elf and the next 25 days, I’ve got you covered.
Here’s the deal, I have been in the Elf game for many years. Considering the age of my child. I have an 11-year-old. Which I thought wasn’t going to be super into it this year. WRONG!
Anyway, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I consider myself a bit of an Elf on the Damn Shelf expert…with my years of experience.
Stay tuned for the next 3 weeks. Each Saturday morning, I’ll share 7 EASY ideas to get you though the week. I’ll even include a list of shit you need. Either you have on hand or need to pick up on your next Target run.
Ok, here we go……
Elf on the Damn Shelf Week #1
- tooth paste
- kitchen towel
- kids chonies
- a note: “I see London, I see France, I stole your underpants”
- hot cocoa packets (dollar store)
- marshmallows (hide 1/2 the package for next week)
- roll of toilet paper
You wake up in a fucking panic because it’s December 1st, day #1 and you already forgot to move the damn elf on the shelf. Or better yet, you don’t even know where the hell the elf is.
No cute note. No cute Christmas PJ’s like years past.
Cookies! No kid is going to complain about the elf on the damn shelf bringing cookies.
Ps…Timothy’s Bakery opens at 5am! Just saying.
You’re in the groove. Feelin it. So let’s get a little more creative. Tooth paste smiley face. BUTTTT, make sure you either do this on the counter or a bathroom sink you’re not planning to use for the day. Remember, you can’t move the little jerk until the next day.
Shit! You forgot again. Run to the bathroom sink (where you left him the night before), grab the elf on the damn shelf. Wrap him up in the kitchen towel sitting by the sink and toss him in the fridge.
Sneak your kids chonies. Preferably clean. Drape them over the stocking holders or someplace clever. With a note:
I see London,
I see Fance
I stole your
They will get a kick out of this one.
Pat yourself on the back! You’re killing it Mama!
Hot Chocolate! Grab some packets of good ole Swiss Miss + mugs + marshmallows.
Better yet, throw some marshmallows over the counter and set the elf on the damn shelf next to them. The more mischievous the better. Kids dig that shit.
Your alarm goes off. You drank way too much wine last night. And the elf on the damn shelf definitely didn’t get moved. The kid(s) are already up. You’re head is pounding. And you gotta come up with something real quick.
- who touched the elf?
- the weather was really bad last night.
- you were so sassy, he decided to stay and keep an eye on you.
- he’s tricking us, duh!
How many more days till Christmas? (19 to be exact)
You’re still feeling like an asshole for not moving the elf on the damn shelf the night before. So, you go all out. Grab a roll of toilet paper and TP the Christmas tree. Stick the elf in the toilet paper roll and and give him a toss to the top of the tree.
Proud AF, huh?
Week #1 down. ONLY 2 more to go!
You got this! I’ve got yo back! Come back next Saturday for week #2 with 7 new easy ideas for the elf on the damn shelf.