{friday 5}

Hello Friday, I’ve been waiting for you!  ALL week!

What’s the plan for the weekend?  My to-do list is growing by the minute.  But, it’s OK.  I’m going to sleep in + drink coffee in my pj’s before I conquer the world (and my to-do list) both mornings.  That’s something to definitely look forward to.  I’m going to drink some wine + indulge in yummy food too.  That’s what the weekends were made for!

Whatever you do, have a good one!!

Now, I’ve got 5 things on my mind…..

ONE – Veggie of the week // One of my {Fall To-Do’s} is try a new veggie each week.  Last week we tried Jicama (aka dirty apple).  It was a flop!  This week – Delicata Squash.  I prepared it following a recipe from the one and only, Skinny Taste.  You guys, it was sooo good.  Even Bay enjoyed it.  I have proof on Instagram 🙂  “better than brussel sprouts!”  I won that one!!

Here’s what you’ll need:

• cooking spray
• 1 delicata squash, washed (99 cents/each at TJ’s)
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• black pepper, to taste
• 1/4 cup grated parmesan
• 2 tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme, chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest

Here’s what you do:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  Line baking sheet with foil, spray with cooking spray.

Slice squash in half lengthwise and scoop out the seeds with a spoon.  Slice seeded halves into 1/4 inch thick slices and place in a bowl.

Drizzle olive oil + salt + pepper over squash slices and toss well to coat.

In a small bowl combine parmesan + parsley + thyme + lemon zest.

Lay squash slices flat on prepared baking sheet.  Sprinkle parmesan mixture over the top.

Bake for 225 minutes until golden brown.

So good.  I can’t wait to make it again.

 

TWO – Instagram Story Polls //  I’m fucking obsessed.  Who’s dinner looks tastier?  Who likes a full tank of gas + a clean car?  Should I buy the dress?

Instagram even keeps track of that shit.  I hope it stays FOR-EV-ERRRR!  That way you guys can all help this indecisive bitch make life decisions.

I cannot believe you think Bay’s dinner looks better.  I even had mayo!!!  But to each his own.

Everyone can agree, it’s a good feeling!!  I do it every Friday and it makes my day start happy AF!

I didn’t buy the dress:(  They only had it in a size large.  That’s why I’m holding it in the back.  It was huge.  Doesn’t mean that I wont find a nearby store that has a medium instock and drive there TONIGHT.  I’ve been known to do it!

 

THREE – It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers // I read this.  Laughed my ass off.  Therefore I am sharing it with you.  I want to be friends with this writer.  I think we’d get along GREAT!

IT’S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is — fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes — specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.

The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.

Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.

For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.

Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!

 

FOUR – Amazon Locker // Have you ever tried it?  It works!  Anything to save my cheap ass a buck or two.  And it was predicted to arrive earlier than a home delivery.  I still haven’t broken down and become a Prime Member.  Remember, #cheapass!  It actually came within 2 days.  Pretty good for an un-prime order.

Amazon Locker is a self-service parcel delivery service offered by online retailer Amazon.com.  Amazon customers can select any Locker location as their delivery address, and retrieve their orders at that location by entering a unique pick-up code on the Locker touch screen.

Ok, so here’s how it works for all you Amazon Locker virgins……

When your order is ready you get an email with this bar code.

You drive to the Amazon Locker that you selected at checkout.  Am Pm in my case.  There were tons and tons to choose from.  Since I visit Target on the reg, I picked this one.

I visit this gas station (right next to Target, so you get it) ALL.THE.TIME.  and I’ve never even noticed these lockers before.

Scan your bar code.

Your Amazon Locker pops open.

And there it is!  Just as if it were delivered on your front porch.

I’m a fan.  When it comes to faster deliver and saving a buck!

 

FIVE – Links I ♥

venmo charges decoded…lol

Alex + Robin – get your tickets

ALL night long.  LOVE this

Who’s going?

Classic my closet NEEDS

Dark exterior got me

This will make you laugh.  We’ve all been there.

This Spanish Style home tour is gorg

Counter #goals

Yummm

I had a dream that I gave birth to twins and they cried so much…so I googled it.

Alex, you were right…fucking hilarious!

 

Happy Friday and Cheers to a great weekend!

 

xoxo stacyb